Married or Single?
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009
by Dane Tyner
Home Improvement Ministry
You find it on forms everywhere. You're asked to check the appropriate box. Are you "married" or "single"? Since it is apparently important, let's think about that question together.
To provide a bit of perspective on my thoughts, let me inform you that I have been involved in family ministry for 30 years. Repeatedly, I have been engaged in the drama of those who are struggling in relationships. Some of the significant things I have encountered in my work relate to this question: Are you married or are you single?
Statistically, these relationships have a much higher probability of divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage. Part of the problem is this: You can practice having sex; you can practice sharing household responsibilities; you can practice working finances together. But you can't practice commitment that you don't have. To be married is to have made a commitment, an exclusive commitment of your life to another for life. To be fair, I have encountered several couples who cohabit and have expressed such a commitment.
More often, however, I see such couples where that lack of commitment is causing increasing relational insecurity. It is usually visible in the woman. She engaged in the "trial marriage" experiment and feels that the experiment has run its course. She wants her man to fully commit to her in marriage, but he wants to put it off a little longer for one reason or another. His reasons may seem reasonable at first, but eventually they seem to be mere reluctance to really commit. To be sure, it is easier to act committed than to really be committed in a relationship.
The flip side of this coin looks like this. Consider people who are legitimately married. They would not think of checking any other box on a form. Still, I have encountered many of these people over the years who, though actually married, have not forsaken the single life. They are married, yet act like they are single.
They want to come and go as they please, without any accountability to a life partner. They want to make decisions independently. They continue to flirt with members of the opposite sex. They may find themselves envying the freedom of their single friends and resenting the restraints of married life. And these are sometimes the precursors to infidelity.
May I encourage you to consider that question again? Are you married or single? Does your mental attitude match your stated state? Do your actions correspond to this?
This Article has been viewed 363 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Hi Dane. Great article. Very insightful with thought-provoking examination of oneself. Thank you for writing and sharing this. Blessings. ~Nenita~Thanks for reading and giving such affirming feedback. I'm also honored to have you as a fan. Blessings to you.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.